I desire my own self to be alive. An intensifier…. Learning slowly that to be that also means to embrace calm, to train in it in the same way one trains in sport or intellect…… They all piece together„„

His work with electronic music and its utter fixity led him to explore modes of instrumental and vocal music in which performers’ individual capabilities and the circumstances of a particular performance (e.g., hall acoustics) may determine certain aspects of a composition. He called this “variable form” (Wörner 1973, 101–105). In other cases, a work may be presented from a number of different perspectives. In Zyklus (1959), for example, he began using graphic notation for instrumental music. The score is written so that the performance can start on any page, and it may be read upside down, or from right to left, as the performer chooses (Stockhausen, Texte 2, 73–100). Still other works permit different routes through the constituent parts. Stockhausen called both of these possibilities “polyvalent form” (Stockhausen, Texte 1, 241–51), which may be either open form (essentially incomplete, pointing beyond its frame), as with Klavierstück XI (1956), or “closed form” (complete and self-contained) as with Momente

if you would have looked inside it would have been deep.
but instead I see it, as layer and layer or artiface across a surface

I can read each impiulse, I can read each change.

There is extreme power in a gaze like this

…fantasy is part of the articulation of the possible; it moves us beyond what is merely actual and present into a realm of possibility, the not yet actualized or the not actualizable. The struggle to survive is not really separable from the cultural life of fantasy, and the foreclosure of fantasy—through censorship, degradation, or other means—is one strategy for providing for the social death of persons.
Fantasy is not the opposite of reality; it is what reality forecloses, and, as a result, it defines the limits of reality, constituting it as its constitutive outside. The critical promise of fantasy, when and where it exists, is to challenge the contingent limits of what will and will not be called reality. Fantasy is what allows us to imagine ourselves and others otherwise; it establishes the possible in excess of the real; it points elsewhere, and when it is embodied, it brings the elsewhere home.

Judith Butler – Beside Oneself: On the Limits of Sexual Autonomy  (via cumulonimbos)